I cried last night.
I let my pride get the best of me, and it wasn’t pretty. Adulting at its finest… ***Sigh***
You see, I’m a Christian.
I strive to imitate Christ in my everyday life. And in that moment, I failed. I took my eyes
off of Him, and I forgot who it is I serve.
I let my pride, my emotions, get the best of me. I gave in to my
frustrations. I said unkind things. I lost control. I messed up.
Some will say that it’s normal. We all fight. We all argue. We all feel
strongly and get defensive. We can be insensitive. We’re often critical. We all
get frustrated. And this is largely true.
The problem is, I’m a perfectionist. I want my own self to be perfect. I hold
myself to a higher standard under the guise of being a Christ-follower, as
though that means that I will act perfect NOW. But that isn’t how it works, is
it? Alas, it is not. Thusly, I beat myself up for being imperfect, because that
is how I viewed Christianity for so long – “holier-than-thou” people flogging
others for their imperfections. I mean, isn’t that how I’m supposed to act?
Since I’m imperfect, I must flog myself mentally?
I admit, I have watched fellow Christ-followers criticize,
judge, hate, speak meanly, be inappropriate, throw temper tantrums, be scared
or angry or frustrated… You get the drift. And I have done the same at times in
my life. We aren’t always the models of love that we are supposed to be.
I’ve also watched “the world” act the same, exact way.
Does it make it right? No.
Does it make it acceptable? Nuh uh.
Does it make us “human?” Yep.
As an ADULT, I need to take responsibility for my
shortcomings, behaviors, attitudes, and sins, and realize that I have choices
in how I behave and the attitudes I display. It is not my parents’ faults – nor
is it society’s fault – that I think the way I do, behave the way I do, or
treat people the way I do. It’s mine. I decide what I let get to me and what I
ignore. I decide who I like and who I
don’t. I decide what food to put in my
mouth and what foods to avoid (sorry-not sorry, pickles!). I decide if I will
let my emotions erupt or if I will keep them in check. No one else makes those decisions for me, no
matter how many times they push my buttons.
As a CHRISTIAN, I need to take responsibility for my
shortcomings, behaviors, attitudes, and sins, and realize that I have choices
in how I behave and the attitudes I display. It is not my parents’ faults – nor
is it society’s fault – that I think the way I do, behave the way I do, or
treat people the way I do. It’s mine. I decide what I let get to me and what I
ignore. I decide who I like and who I
don’t. I decide what food to put in my
mouth and what foods to avoid (sorry-not sorry, pickles!). I decide if I will
let my emotions erupt or if I will keep them in check. No one else makes those decisions for me, no
matter how many times they push my buttons.
I realized that, last night, in the heat of the moment, I
allowed “me” to surface, and I let my humanity show. I stopped trying. I let my
“self” get in the way of my Christ. After striving to a standard of Christ’s
perfection, I got tired of controlling myself and let it all hang out.
Does it make me a bad person? No.
Does it make me imperfect? Well, duh.
Does it make me “human?” Yeppers.
The point is, Christians AREN’T perfect. We are flawed human
beings who embrace the grace of God and accept the sacrifice of Jesus and the
forgiveness of our sins. We try to be better because we love Him and want to
say “thank you” with our lives.
We’re not perfect.
We’re still tempted. Daily. Even hourly.
We make bad decisions.
We sin.
But, when we are focused on Him, we TRY to be better. To be
different. Every. Single. Day.
Sometimes we mess up. Sometimes we hurt people (even people
we love). Sometimes we’re shallow. Sometimes we’re mean or critical or judgmental.
Sometimes, we forget to love.
And sometimes we forget the love shown to us in that moment
on the cross.
When I focus on the sacrifice made for ME, the love that was
shown to ME, and the forgiveness that was offered to ME, I should desire to be
different, and strive to change and grow. And the only way I have found to
actually FOCUS on those things is by reading my Bible and praying. Every.
Single. Day.
But sometimes, I forget. Or I’m tired. Or I’m running late.
Or even, I don’t FEEL like it. I’m human.
I’m sorry that I’m not perfect. I’m sorry that I mess up. But I will try, again, to be nicer, kinder,
and gentler. And, I will continue to apologize and own up to my shortcomings.
And, I will say one more thing to Christians:
We darned well better be apologizing when we mess up. Admit our imperfections. Try to be different.
Again and again and again and again.
Philippians
"Does your life in Christ give you strength? Does his love comfort you? Do we share together in the spirit? Do you have mercy and kindness? If so, make me very happy by having the same thoughts, sharing the same love, and having one mind and purpose. When you do things, do not let selfishness or pride be your guide. Instead, be humble and give more honor to others than to yourselves. Do not be interested only in your own life, but be interested in the lives of others.
Be
Unselfish Like Christ
In your lives you must think and act like Christ Jesus.
Christ himself was like God in everything.
But he did not think that being equal with God was something to be used for his own benefit.
But he gave up his place with God and made himself nothing.
He was born as a man
and became like a servant.
And when he was living as a man,
he humbled himself and was fully obedient to God,
even when that caused his death—death on a cross.
So God raised him to the highest place.
God made his name greater than every other name
so that every knee will bow to the name of Jesus—
everyone in heaven, on earth, and under the earth.
And everyone will confess that Jesus Christ is Lord
and bring glory to God the Father.”
(Philippians 2:1-11, NCV)
Shine Brightly for Christ
“Dear friends, you always followed my instructions when I was with you. And now that I am away, it is even more important. Work hard to show the results of your salvation, obeying God with deep reverence and fear. For God is working in you, giving you the desire and the power to do what pleases him.
Do everything without complaining and arguing, so that no one can criticize you. Live clean, innocent lives as children of God, shining like bright lights in a world full of crooked and perverse people. Hold firmly to the word of life; then, on the day of Christ’s return, I will be proud that I did not run the race in vain and that my work was not useless.“
(Philippians 2:12-16, NLT)
