But Moooooooommmm! I don't WANT to be a bug zapper!

Note: I am reposting this from my Facebook page, and have made a few minor edits.  This has been on my heart since I woke up today, and I feel a strong desire to share it publicly.  I do find it rather humorous that the only time I seem to post is when something political has been going on.  I've recently been told by a liberal "friend" that "you're the only conservative with half a brain that I've ever met."  Uhhhhhhhh.... Should I feel complimented, or insulted?

Anywhooooo, thank you for your time & understanding!  

I've been thinking a lot about the diversity of my friends; I think I have Facebook to thank for that. We’re all so unique, in so many ways. Many of my FB friends are people I knew in high school, but I wasn't necessarily friends with them. As an adult, I've found that I actually LIKE people more – there isn't any of that teenage angst or hormonal craziness mucking up the waters. In high school, few people took the time to get to know the REAL ME – I couldn't look them in the eye, let alone tell them my opinion or speak to them at all. If I did get the guts to have an opinion of my own, I would have DIED if my friend disagreed with me or told me I was wrong! Same goes for college (unless I was drinking -- then I had no trouble chatting!) and early adult-hood.  I suppose I'm more comfortable now in my own skin -- after all, it's all stretched out -- than I was when I was young.

As I stated earlier, I've been thinking about the diversity of my friends:

Some are older than me. Some are younger. Some are even my age (29!). Some are “white,” and some are NOT “white” (most are a mix of some sort – do your genealogy!) Some are blonde or brunette or gingers; some WERE blonde or brunette or ginger, but are now growing platinum like I am (we should be rich, by the way!) Some dye their hair “normal” colors, and others dye theirs “weird” colors; some don’t dye theirs at all. Some have long or curly or straight or short hair; some don’t have hair at all. Some did, but lost it. Some are tall. Some are short. Some are thin. Some are fat. Some were fat but are now thin, and some were thin but are now fat (or “fluffy,” like me!). Some are male, some are female, and some haven’t made up their minds. Some are married, some are single, and some have been both at different times, many times over. Some have worked in law enforcement, and some have been in jail/prison. Some are from abroad, living in the USA; some are from the USA, living abroad. (I’m totally jealous of those of you in Italy or New Zealand, by the way!) All speak some form of English, but some speak other languages at different fluency rates. Some have jobs; some did but lost them for many different reasons. Some are stay-at- home moms; some are stay-at- home dads. Some home-school, some attend public school, some attend private school, and some attend charter schools. Some are in college, some are too young for college, and some didn't/don’t want to go to college; some have graduated, and some couldn't make their minds up about what they wanted to be when they grew up. ;) Some consider themselves successful; others are insecure. Some are wealthy, some are not, and most are wealthy in ways that the “world” doesn't understand. Some are teachers, some are students, some are public servants, some are office workers, and some are still looking. Some dress up; some dress down (I hope you all “dress” at some point before going into public!). Some are omnivores, some are herbivores. Some have real teeth, some have fake, and some have a combination of the two. Some have crooked teeth, some have straight. Some play sports. Some coach. Some drink. Some smoke. Some rat their hair. Some get ill from one cigarette. ;) Some do drugs; some are in recovery. Some have been molested, some work with those who have been molested, and some work with the molesters. Some live in small towns; some in big cities. Some of my friends have run for Congress, and some have testified before Congress; some are still trying to figure out if Congress is the same as the House of Representatives or not, and some just don’t care (but probably should). Some are liberal, some are conservative, and some just don’t know what that means (or don’t care). Some are on the right, and some are on the wrong (I mean LEFT, lol!), and some are somewhere in the middle. Some are Christians (from many different churches), some are Buddhists, some are agnostic, and some are new age. Some hike. Some bike. Some run. Some walk. Some skip. Some swim. Some dive. Some ride horses or skateboards or bikes or trikes or motorcycles or mopeds or other scooters; some sit on their couches and eat bon-bons (or carrots). Some are doctors, nurses, receptionists, bill collectors, cable/satellite-TV people, phone people, accountants, IT-gurus, yoga-gurus, MMA instructors/fighters, Pilates instructors, Zumba instructors, personal trainers, bartenders, cab drivers, worship leaders, musicians, actors, babysitters, landscapers, architects, builders, developers, Realtors, travel agents, pilots, flight attendants, dog washers, dog walkers, chefs, and more. Some are “dog” people, some are “cat” people, some are “horse” people, and some are “chicken” people; some are all, and some are NONE. Some are “black-and-white” rule followers, and some toe the line. Some are just out and out rebellious. Some are close to their families, some are not, and some don’t have families. I could go on and on and on and on…..

Here’s my point: we are ALL UNIQUE, and that is what I love about you all. I don’t care about whether or not you look like me, act like me, dress like me, or believe what I do – I only care about how you treat me, and how you treat those I love. I don't care about whether we listen to the same music or read the same books – I just hope you can respect my heart.  We all bleed (close to) the same color. We live, we die, and we all will experience loss and prosperity. My journey is not going to follow the exact same path as yours; I do not expect yours to follow mine, either. We will have differing rocks in our paths – some will be the same type, but different sizes or shapes, and we may have different ideas on how to deal with them. You move yours, and I'll go around mine; whatever works best, that’s fine with me. I may even pause and help you on your journey, just as I hope you will help me with mine. Your path may take you uphill, and mine might take me the long route; either way, it's OK, and we can meet up at the end.

I simply ask that you respect me for who I am. I hope that, whether you agree with my religious or political persuasions or not, you will see that I sincerely love people and want to help. I hope my life will be the proverbial light on a hill – not a neon “closed” sign, but a pleasant light that draws you in (and not a bug zapper, either!). It never has been, nor will it ever be, my intention to alienate people. Yes, I have my opinions, and it is my right to share them on my page, or blog; likewise, it is your right to ignore me, or block me, or “unfriend” me. I hope we can have open, civil, non-condescending dialogues, and that at the end of the day a clear conscience will be our bed-fellow. I hope you all understand that I poke fun at different things, but that it’s intended to be just that. I respect each of you, and can appreciate our differences (it's the reason you're my friend here to begin with!), even when I don't agree.

Bottom line (and then I’ll go): Our hearts all beat in rhythm, creating this beautiful symphony of humanity that I call my friends. Let’s just enjoy the music, all right?

Politics and Thankfulness....

I am reposting this from my Facebook page.  A couple of days ago, after numerous news stories and ads calling Romney/Ryan liars, idiots, woman-haters, elitists, and more, I wrote the following.  Everyday, I try to be post on Facebook something that I am thankful for.  Here is what I posted on Tuesday, October 23, 2012.

Today, I am thankful that the election will be over in two weeks.

Why? 

***Steps up on soapbox*** Because I am sick of hearing that "my" candidate is a liar, and the opposing candidate is right. I am disgusted by the lack of tolerance from the other side -- quite frankly, the truth is in the eye of the beholder, and you're going to believe what you want to believe. I'm tired of libs mocking Fox News, but singing the praises of NBC or CNN. Hello?! What makes NBC or CNN any more "true" than Fox? Is it just because they're liberal, and conservatives only have half a brain? Give me a break! Not to mention the crazy threats being made if R&R beat B.O.&Bite-me -- how "tolerant" is that? Seriously -- can you throw a bigger temper tantrum? 

#1) I don't like B.O.'s policies. This fact does not make me a racist, any more than a pencil causes misspelled words.

#2) Just because someone opposes tax $ funding Planned Parenthood or abortions, or forcing faith-based businesses to cover birth control, does not mean they hate women. I happen to BE a woman, and I do NOT hate myself (or any other women, for that matter)! I vote with my mind, heart & conscience -- NOT my uterus!

#3) I love my friends, whether they are liberals, conservatives, atheists, straight, gay, caucasian, or any other race. I don't see "color," or "politics," or anything other than heart. If you are a horridly evil person, I probably won't have much to do with you. If you are an arrogant jerk, I'll probably avoid you. Will I "hate" you? Absolutely not. Bottom line: the way you treat me, and the people I care about, is what determines my willingness to give you my time or attention. 

I could continue, but I'm confident I have made my point. If you're not happy with my opinion, that is fine with me -- you are every bit as entitled to your opinion as I am to mine. I just ask that you be more respectful of mine, as I am of yours. I get my news from both sides, and I think you should, too. If you saw Fahrenheit 9/11, you should go see 2016, too. And, if you can't like me for who I am (shortcomings and all), you are welcome to de-friend me -- that's your prerogative. 

I'm grateful for the freedom of speech, too.... :)

***Steps off of soapbox***

I love technology... Well, not so much!

OK, so, I've thought about this for a while.  A really LONG while....

Texting sucks.  Really.  I hate it.  How ridiculous is it that we carry around cell phones, but then type messages?  Whatever happened to human interaction?

Am I the only person who is concerned about the future of communication?  Drive by the nearest middle or high school yard; how many kids are standing around with their phones glued to their hands in front of their faces?  Do they even know how to speak anymore?

When I first got my then-7th-grader a phone, I got her the most basic phone available -- you know, the "free" flip phone you get with your upgrade.  "I can add texting to your plan for only $5.00 per month, per line."  "No, thank you."  The look on the clerks face? Priceless.  

Now, more than 3 years later, I STILL deprive my kids (not just one, but TWO teenage girls) of the ability to text -- and I'm pretty darned proud of it, too.  You see, I have long believed that the art of interpersonal communication is going the way of the dinosaur -- and that THAT is NOT a good thing.  

Growing up, I didn't have my own phone in my room.  My very dysfunctional family actually ate dinner together most of the time, and spent evenings in the same room.  In school, we played on the playground during a long recess.  Games were played in person (not online), and we had to learn how to lose.  Don't get me wrong -- for some of us, these forced interactions were a "necessary evil," designed to torture the shyest kids as we struggled to survive in the concrete jungle.  Still, we learned to communicate: to read body language, facial expressions, and vocal inflections; to listen when others were speaking; to ask questions if we didn't understand what the speaker meant.  We learned common courtesy (in a day when courtesy was common) and respect -- not just for others, but for ourselves, as well.  Don't interrupt.  Eye contact is an excellent way of showing that you're listening.  Speak clearly.  Slow down.  Overall, I think we had a clearer grasp of the consequences of speaking our minds, largely because we could not hide behind the anonymity of technology.  

I can't begin to tell you how many parents I have met who complain that their kids spend all of their time texting, playing computer or video games, or are on social networking sites from the moment they get home until they go to bed at night.  We've all heard the tales of the $700.00+ phone bill because someone went crazy texting.  I suspect that most of us know kids who have every "latest gadget" that comes out -- Kindles, Nooks, Game Cubes, XBoxes, GameBoys, Wiis, Playstations, Galaxys, Droids, iPads, iPods, iPhones.... iTired just thinking about it!  How many of those kids know how to draw a picture of a horse?  How to double-dutch jumprope? Play hopscotch? Fly a kite?  How many of them know what their siblings' favorite color/animal is? Dream of being a Firefighter?  How many parents have met their kids' friends & their friends' families? 

I admit, I'm being generally pessimistic. I get super frustrated when my kids tell me that they don't have the phone numbers of their friends, because none of their friends talk on their phones -- kids don't even want my kids' phone numbers, because "You don't have texting? Never mind."  No joke.

I'm tired of hearing, "Mom, all the other kids have an iPhone/Galaxy/Droid; why can't I have one, too?  Well, can I at least have unlimited texting, and get rid of my flip phone?"  They know we aren't rolling in dough, but it can be exhausting when they ask every day.

I also get annoyed when a parent I know complains to me that they're tired of their kids being on their phone all the time, texting, but refuse to cancel the texting plan.  "Oh, I could never do that; my child would kill me!"  Really?  Who's the parent, and who's the child?  Oh, and last I heard, murder is illegal.  That's fine -- don't cancel it; but please, tell your child not to persecute mine for not being "with it."  Teach yours phone etiquette, then tell them to give mine a call....

I'm trying to teach my kids life lessons.  "Yea, right.  Like what?"

~ You can't always get what you want.
~ Competing with the Joneses is not all it's cracked up to be.
~ People are more important than "things."
~ The "latest and greatest" will be replaced with another "latest and greatest" very soon, if you wait a bit.
~ "No" is a fact of life.
~ Mother/Father knows best.
~ Don't judge others (I'm trying not to judge the texters!)  :)
~ Family is important, so don't hide from us!

And, most importantly....

~ I love you, even if you aren't as "cool" as the other kids....

Grateful?

Grrrrrrrrr...........

That's all I've got today.  Really.  Unless you want me to complain.... Seriously -- I could go on for a few hours about all the things I'm frustrated with, angry about, and annoyed with.

But I won't.  I'll spare you.

Why?

Well, what good would it do?  Sure, it feels great to vent... sometimes.... Other times, it leaves me feeling just as upset as I was before I vented.  Hmmmmm.... I guess it wouldn't solve my problems, now, would it?

The alternative?

Think about the things I'm grateful for.  Like, what?

     Like, I'm grateful to have a job.  Many people don't -- I'm grateful that I do.
     I'm grateful for my family.  I have a husband who is my best friend, and three fantastic children.
     I'm grateful for my home.  I have a bed to lie down on, a pillow for my head, clothes on my back, food in my pantry, a stove to cook it on, a fridge to keep leftovers in, a car to drive to run my errands and go to/from work, and pets who enjoy my company.
     I'm grateful for the beauty around me, and the eyes & heart that God gave me to appreciate it all.  I can gaze on Colorado National Monument, the Bookcliffs, and the Grand Mesa, wherever I drive in this valley!
     I'm grateful for the heron that frequents the drainage ditch behind my house.
     I'm grateful that there are four beautiful horses living behind me.
     I'm grateful for the bald eagles that sometimes fly overhead when I'm driving to work.
     I'm grateful for the opportunity to raise a few chicks (of the poultry persuasion!), and look forward to the fresh eggs we hope to have.
     I'm grateful for my glasses, that help me see a bit better.  I'm grateful that I have my sight at all -- some people are blind.  I won't take my sight for granted.
     I'm grateful that I have arms and legs and hands and feet and elbows and shoulders and a neck that work.
     I'm grateful that I have the ability to type this -- to think, to see, to will my fingers to move, and to put my thoughts into readable sentences.
     I'm grateful for the beautiful, sunny, mild weather we're having.
     I'm grateful for the ticking of the clock in my office -- that I can hear it at all, and that I'm alive to watch time tick by.
     I'm grateful for the memories I carry with me every day -- some good, some bad, but it means that I have truly lived.

Most of all, I am thankful for a merciful God, a loving Savior and a faithful Spirit.

Life is good....

Well, THAT didn't happen!

Yea, so, my half-hearted attempt at writing a novel never really took off; instead, we decided to buy a house, and I got rather distracted.  Sooooo, I'll have to think of something else.....

Until later!....

Tanya Writes A Novel - Day 1

Well, I've got a challenge to meet.  I've never written much more than a short story.  Really.  Sure, I've written a couple of research papers, but that was 20+ years ago.  Letters to the Editor - check.  Love letters - check.  Even a children's story! - check.  But, a novel?  


November 1st marks the start of National Novel Writing Month.  50,000 words - ONE novel.  Shouldn't be any problem for a girl who can rattle off 1000 words/minute in conversation, right?  Ummmmmm.... 


Let's hope those typing classes in high school will pay off.... 

Columbine, on my mind....

Truthfully, it stays with me always. It haunts me, if you will.

When I'm taking my kids to school, I pray for their safety.
Every day.

Why does it bother me so much? A question I've been asked many times over the years.

No, I didn't know any of the staff members.
No, I didn't know any of the kids at the school.
No, I didn't know any of the families of the kids.

Instead, I was alone in my hospital room, having given birth to bratgirl2 just 24 hours before, when I started hearing "codes" being called. (I worked at the hospital at that time, and was familiar with what the various codes meant.) I knew something big had happened, and made the mistake of turning on the T.V.

Note to self: when highly hormonal, such as shortly after the birth of a child, do not turn on the news!

I watched in horror as Patrick Ireland hung out the window of the library, and was so grateful when the news switched cameras, so as not to show him falling out. I was so very relieved when they later showed that it was just a few feet to the top of the van or ambulance, and that he wasn't falling to the ground from the second story of the school.

I prayed for the families of the students, as they showed terrified parents gathering in the park nearby. I prayed for the students who were fleeing in terror, hands clasped on their heads as they were lead out by the SWAT teams. I prayed for the staff members, who acted heroically and prevented more loss of life. I prayed for the families of those slain, and for the families of those who bore the weapons and murdered their classmates.

And, as we all did, I wept. A lot.

As I held that sweet baby girl close. I wept for the loss of life. For the loss of innocence. I wondered how I would ever be able to let my children leave my sight, let them walk into a school, or go on a field trip. I wept for the families left behind, and for those who bore not just physical scars, but mental and emotional scars as well. Too often the unseen scars are the ones that take the longest to heal. And I asked myself over and over again, "What am I doing, bringing another child into this world. I can't protect her always, no matter how hard I try!"

That was the precise moment that I fully came to understand what faith is. It's when I fully understood that, no, I cannot keep her safe. I cannot keep bratgirl1 safe. I can protect them only so much. But, there is One who loves them more than I do, Who will protect them, guide them, cherish them, sacrifice for them, far more than I ever will be able to. And, I must give them over to Him. Fully. Completely. Without reservation.

It is also a moment that brought me closer to the cross. How could God allow His Son to die? How did He not lose His temper and wipe us all out?

As a parent myself, I can't even begin to fathom the depth of His pain. His Son was murdered. Brutally. And I am guilty. No way around it.

As a child, I find myself wondering what was going through Jesus' head. Not just about the pain He would endure. Did He think about how His Father would feel? Did He worry about His mom? He prayed in the garden for His disciples, for His persecutors, for His prosecutors, and for His executioners. He prayed for me. And for you. For His Father to forgive us. How? I'm speechless.

As a mother, I think about Mary. Her terror. Her distress. How helpless she must have felt. How hopeless. I can't begin to imagine burying my child, even my grown child. With every lash, I'm certain she wished she could shield His body with her own. I'm sure she would have lovingly wiped the blood, sweat and tears from His face with her hands and clothes, if she were able to get close enough. She would've gone to great lengths to bring Him a drink of water, bandaids, peroxide, a doctor... Anything for her child. Yet, she was helpless. There was nothing she could do, but wait. Pray. Weep.

And what an agonizing wait it must have been.

Yet, the story stays the same, every time it's told: He was raised from the dead the third day. Can you imagine her joy? Can you imagine His relief? Can you imagine God's smile that day?

Unfortunately, in this physical world, that was not the outcome for 12 students and one teacher. Not for the two shooters, either. Not for their families, who I'm sure were filled with trepidation as they waited for word on their children and loved ones. Sadly, those who died were not coming back to this world.

But, wait...

There's that glimmer of hope. That bright ray of light in a dark world. Jesus died for them. He died for you. And for me. He died so we would have the hope of resurrection. The hope of an eternity with God. Not separated from Him. With Him. The hope of seeing those whose lives were taken so abruptly. Seeing them whole. Healthy. Alive.

What's more, we're forgiven.

God has forgiven us. You. Me. Our challenge on earth is to forgive those who hurt us. Who wrong us. Who inflict immense pain on us and our loved ones. As God has forgiven us, we must forgive others. As Jesus prayed for us, we must pray for those who persecute us.

And we must always cling to the hope of eternal life. Resurrection. Forgiveness. Grace.

“Where, O death, is your victory? Where, O death, is your sting?" The sting of death is sin, and the power of sin is the law. But thanks be to God! He gives us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ.”- 1 Corinthians 15:55-57

So, finally, I will be in prayer on this 10th Anniversary of that terrible, tragic day in Colorado. For the families and friends left behind. For the survivors. And for the hearts of every American, every parent, every child, that we turn to the One who can truly change our lives. He is the One who gives freedom. Freedom to make mistakes. Freedom to be imperfect. Freedom to not conform to the world. And hope. Of a new day, a new chance to try again. Of a new life. And grace. forgiveness. peace.

And joy.