Friday, March 11, 2016


I wrote this during a particularly difficult time in my life.  I'm happy to say that things DO get better.  My hubby and I are still together.  My kids are all still alive, and we still speak. Life is good.

My point:  Things can seem bleak. Hopeless. Dark.  Lonely.  Sometimes, we have things that weigh so heavily on us that we can't bear it.  When everything is dark, seek the light.  When all else fails, PRAY.  We are not meant to carry our burdens alone.  Lay them down, at the foot of the cross.  Lay them down.  

Isaiah 41:10 “So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.”

Romans 8: 38-39 “For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.”

1 Peter 5:7 “Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.”

See? We aren't alone.

No one knows my silent hell. 
No one knows the constant emotional pain I endure. 
I have no one to tell. 
No one.
I am alone. 
Some days, I feel like I'm going to explode.
There goes my head.
Today is one of those days.
So much pressure.
So much responsibility.
I have no one to talk to.
Well, no one I feel like I can talk to.
My friends are busy.
My spouse is in a mid-life crisis.
My kids have issues.
I have issues!
Other family members wouldn't understand...
(or, I don't want to even try to explain it)
Days like today, I feel alone.
But I know that this isn't really true.
On my darkest, saddest days, there is
     One who is listening.   
     One who is supportive.
     One who is here.
I just can't "see" Him.
Sometimes, I wish He would pull up a chair, or burn a bush and talk to me.
Especially right now.
My life -- my self -- is at a breaking point, and
     I don't know what to do.
     I don't know if I have the strength to go on like this.
(No, I'm not contemplating suicide!)
If I could support my kids alone, I would leave.
But I can't.
Not financially. 
Not emotionally.
Not while I'm battered and bruised.
I don't want to be here
     in this house.
     in this "place."
     in this part of my life.
Can I just move on now?
Help me.
I'm drowning.
Seriously, something has to give.

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